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Fr. Pinto Paul is the International Director of the Boston-based Holy Cross Family Ministries. In this role, he oversees the programs and services at centers in 17 countries.
I want to share a story about forgiveness that a mother told me.
"One evening as I sat reading in a living room chair, my sixteen-year-old daughter climbed into my lap like a little child and asked me if I knew about forgiveness. Then she asked if I knew that when God forgives, God forgets. By then, I knew her confession was going to be an important one. I was just glad she had enough confidence in me to share her experience."
The sixteen-year-old showed that she knew what sin was and that she knew she had sinned. She also knew that God would forgive and forget, and she wanted to hold her mother to the same standard. We don’t know if she was thinking about holding herself to that standard and forgiving herself, but we know she should do that too if she really wanted to be free from her sin.
As parents, we want our children to know about forgiveness. When someone hurts us, or we hurt someone else, what is our normal reaction? Do we strike back, grin and bear it, take it out on someone else, or forgive and deal with actual hurt which has remaining results? When we hurt someone else: Do we deny our part, justify our part, acknowledge the wrong, ask forgiveness, and accept forgiveness or deal with rejection? How can we help one another to understand the dynamics of the process of Reconciliation in the family?
How can we prepare children to recognize their offenses, confess to God and to those they have offended, make restitution when appropriate, and deal with their own feelings of possible guilt? And how can we prepare them to handle the offenses they receive from others?
In the New Testament, St. James tells us to “confess [our] sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that [we] may be healed.” (Jas. 5:16) And St. Matthew tells us that Jesus gave power to His disciples to forgive sins. This power comes to us through a priest in the sacrament of Reconciliation. They should have experience searching their hearts and confessing to God in family prayer as well as in the Rite of Reconciliation in their parish. Children should learn to practice both.
Tears came to my eyes when a mother shared her experience with me. She said her 6-year-old son was driving her crazy. She was so annoyed that he would not listen to her repeated warnings as she worked in the kitchen. She couldn’t take it anymore. She wanted to give him a spank but decided to do something else. She called him to sit on the couch next to her and said, “I can’t take it anymore. I want you to hold my hands and say a prayer for me.” She said, “It changed the whole scenario. As my son prayed for me, tears rolled from our eyes.”
Another idea comes from what Father Steve, one of my colleagues, did at the beginning of mass with a group. During the penitential service, when we were either looking in the book or looking down, he instructed us to look at each other as we prayed the prayer, “I confess to almighty God….” The experience became very moving and personal.
Hopefully, these ideas will assist families in forgiving each other “seventy times seven times” as Jesus told Peter we should.
Family Activity
Family Activity
Pray the following prayer holding each others hands and looking at each other.
I confess to almighty God
and to you, my brothers, and sisters,
that I have greatly sinned,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done and in what I have failed to do,
(strike breast) through my fault, through my fault,
through my most grievous fault;
therefore, I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin,
all the Angels and Saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray for me to the Lord our God.
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