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Fr. Pinto Paul is the International Director of the Boston-based Holy Cross Family Ministries. In this role, he oversees the programs and services at centers in 17 countries
In the previous issues of this newsletter, we have talked about making our families fully alive by praying together and living virtuously.
For April, I would like to draw your attention to "something" that can interfere with praying together and living virtuously with joy, the joy that Jesus said He wants us to have.
That "something" can be failure to forgive a family member for an offense which you can’t let go.
That "something" can be failure to forgive a family member for an offense which you can’t let go.
Maybe your mother or father blamed you for something a brother or sister did. Maybe you think your chore is more demanding than the one your brother or sister has. Maybe a brother or sister got a greater share of something than you did, or a privilege you didn’t get or got away with breaking a rule that you had been punished for. You’re angry or resentful and you know you have a right to be feel the way you do, but you feel uncomfortable when your family prays together, especially when you pray the Our Father and get to the words “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”
That feeling interferes with the joy of forgiving Jesus said He wants us to have.
What can you do about it?
What can you do about it?
Or maybe you have offended a member of your family and need to ask for forgiveness. You had a right to do what you did because they offended you first. You had to stand up for yourself. But you know you should say you are sorry. Failing to do so makes you uncomfortable with the person and when praying with your family. It controls you and robs you of your joy. What can you do about it? You can’t bring yourself to say you are sorry, face to face. You know they will just do it again and keep on doing it. You still won’t be able to forget. You just want to forget it and not do it again.
We can find an answer from the way Jesus deals with a woman who has sinned and those who are not forgiving. Jesus listened to the accusers and the accused, paused in silence, and thought about the perspective of each. Then He responded appropriately to each, forgiving the woman and telling her to sin no more and telling the accusers to look within their own hearts for their own sins. Jesus is always willing to forgive. He always gives a second chance to people who are humble and willing to start afresh.
Like Jesus, we must listen. We don’t need to forget our own side, but just try to see the other person’s side too. Are your parents really trying to be fair? How would you divide the chores evenly if you were a parent? Can you cut the cake so that the pieces are more even? Maybe your mom will let you try. When you see you can’t, you should apologize for complaining. If you resent your older sibling getting more privileges than you, think about some advantages of being younger.
Think of something about the other person that is good. In your private prayers, thank God for the person’s good qualities, pray for help to love the person and show compassion to them. As you love, you will be able to forgive, you will be more comfortable praying with your family, and you will have the joy of forgiving.
Family Activity
Family Activity
What does the Bible say about forgiveness?
I would invite the parents and older children to look up answers to questions about forgiveness in Scripture to read and discuss with whole family.
Why should we forgive? (Col. 3:13-14; Eph. 4:32)
How did Jesus react when he was insulted? (1 Peter 2:23)
How many times did Jesus say we should forgive? (Matt. 18: 21-22)
What did Jesus say we should do if someone who continues to offend us asks for forgiveness? (Lk. 17:3-4)
What should we be quick to do? Slow to do? (James 1:19)
How should we treat each other? (Col. 3:12-14)
How should we respond when someone offends us? (1 Peter 3:9)
What does St. Paul tell us to do in his letter to the Philippians? (Phil. 2:1-5)
Why do we have trouble doing good (or what is right), sometimes? (Romans 7:21-23)
What kind of armor do we have to protect ourselves from temptations? (Ephesians 6:10-18)
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